I wasn’t put on this earth to struggle.
I’m not part of “the hustle”.
People not saying what they mean.
Playing Mario Party alone against the CPUs.
On rentals.
Moving again. Making friends again. Moving again. Making friends again. Friends moving away.
Budgeting the cents of a fast food meal.
Keeping track of who owes what to whom.
Following rules that do not make sense.
Being punished for genuine questions.
Moving goal posts for a generation without a coming-of-age.
Raw-dogging mental illness, because I can’t be like them (so I was told).
Maintenance meds for the rest of my life.
Deadening my own emotions to suit others.
To survive.
Separating politics from my life, as if my life is not inherently politicized.
Respecting (even prioritizing) everyone’s feelings, even if those feelings are based in falsehoods or immaturity.
Justifying pleasure purchases, as if every worker should live as an ascetic monk until they make it big.
Foregoing pleasure altogether for some otherworldly goal that is not guaranteed, as a means of control.
Not listening to my gut.
Being my own main motivation.
Living apart from others by societal structure.
And infrastructure, as well.
Only being able to eat certain foods without pain, or certain foods without judgment.
Dissociating through trauma and major life events alike.
Not remembering any of middle school (homeschool).
Finally getting money, and the cost of everything doubling within a couple years.
And then again.
Systems I rely on for work and convenience being complicit in genocide.
Being tired.
I’m so tired.
I deserve better. We all do.
I wasn’t meant to be this way.
It all wasn’t meant to be a struggle.
I just want us all to be free, if only in our minds.
That’s where it all begins.
Be tired.
Your spirit is being overwhelmed constantly, and this is a sign that it desires a genuine recharge.
how we obtain that is beyond me at times.
i do share a lot of these feelings you express though hon. and in some cases consider my own part in some of them as well, not to shift attention.